A sure thing

For many days I’ve been laying in this spot in the fetal position.

Until a few days ago, I purposely made sure to control the world around me with precision, whatever the means. Now as I lay here I am resembling the least in-control life stage of humanity. Of course, infants are astonishingly controlling but we forgive them for they do not know what they do. But I have been acutely aware every time I’ve cunningly maneuvered for control.

Therefore, while in this space I have been commanded to resist every temptation to perpetuate my witchcraft. You could say I’ve been grounded in the last few days. But I asked for it. I just didn’t know it would be this harrowing.

All my life I’ve been the kind of person who hated surprises, imperfections, interruptions, disruptions, disorder, and just about anything that did not go my way. I even preempted disappointments so that I could control unpleasant future events. In personality tests, I scored pessimist ratings which I contested on account of my conviction that there was no point in expecting miracles that I had no hand in manifesting.

Unbeknownst to me, I was living out the fallacy of control. This was my affliction. Along my healing process from this terrorizing disease, I realize there are so many who are like me: living half lives because they want to be sure about everything and everyone; because they want to live as a god but are mere humans.

Confronting my God complex has got to be the hardest thing I’ve willingly subjected myself to but the freedom I now know and have counted for everything. Like me, most people are driven by a maddening craving to know it all and be sure of it all but truly, life only has uncertainty to offer at every turn.

Can we really ever be sure about anything or anyone? If we cannot even be sure of our very selves, how can we be sure of anything outside our sphere, let alone influence those things in the appropriate ways that only Omniscience can?

Can you relate to feeling like you carry the weight of the world and people’s welfare on the shoulders of your heart? Perhaps you have been the person everyone knows to call or come to whenever they need or want something, be it money, time, energy, talent, or presence. The cunning of biting these baits is that fairly instantly you begin to enjoy the position of “savior”. For a time it feels good and feeds your ego, even though you may do it with a martyr disposition.

There is something about being, or thinking that we are needed and necessary for other’s progress, even existence that gorges our inner grandiosity monster to the point that the once “helpful” angel transforms into a manipulative tyrant who believes nothing can be done unless they do it, and if another does that thing the effort falls short of the glory it could have, done by “the savior of worlds and persons.” Such dispositions end up heaping colossal pressure on themselves and exasperation for their unfortunate captive audiences.

I shudder to recount this version of myself. Indeed, no man can have all that power! The consequence of my God complex was frequent burnout, nervous breakdowns, and all-out total systems crashing. But praise be to God, the Father of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who in His great mercy called me to lay down the burden which in gross pride, I’d presumed unauthorized bearing.

At the root of a God complex are insecurity and the inability to embrace and navigate the reality of life’s inevitable uncertainties. The main activity of life in this realm revolves around creating spaces and relationships that serve our core need for security. So, it is natural to feel overwhelmed by the tempestuous unknowable nature of our environments and people therein. So, if we cannot have surety of things and persons in life, how do we successfully navigate through life in quietness and trust?

Like ships sailing across treacherous seas, we need a sure thing to moor our ships steadily and safely to the exit shore on the opposite end of our boarding dock. Every solitary ship that enters the seas of life must solely bear the responsibility of determining and engaging their sure thing, wisely acknowledging that though there are many anchors on offer, many have value but not all their value is created equal.

Hope. A sure anchor for the soul of every wandering bark upon the seas of life. Without hope, life loses meaning and without meaning, our lives swiftly and steadily sink to the abyss, often through various forms of self-destruction. Because we have no control over any of the significant facts of life, we need a definite hope wherein we can surrender complete entrusting of our own and our loved ones’ wellbeing.

Such an anchor must surpass our ability in omniscience, omnipresence, and omnipotence while holding perfect goodwill for its vessels. Frankly only One Anchor in all history of life past, present, and future is unrivaled and equal to such lofty requirements.

Before selling all out to Jesus, The Christ of God, I had tried and tested several hopes but my heart never settled into the peaceful rhythms of grace I now enjoy. Whenever storms in relationships, finances, identity and the inescapable looming monster of existential crisis crashed upon me, I gurgled, drowning and sinking in hopelessness and helplessness.

But God, the Master of the seas heard my despairing cry and brought me into His glorious salvation, which is the anchor to my soul. When I consider the meaning of a child born into this world to encounter the evil of humanity’s rebellious reign, only to perish at Grim Reaper’s sickle all seems utterly meaningless, but for the hope in the finished work and plan of El Shaddai, the Faithful One.

Throughout the Holy Scriptures, God keeps His Word, which history has seen in the flesh. As promised the Christ of God came and dwelt among humanity as a human, died according to God’s foretelling, and rose from the dead also according to God’s Word so that whosoever believes in the holy Christ of God will live their lives in the only sure hope that stands all tests of all times. Having fulfilled His Word by the raising of Christ from the dead, we are sure that He will fulfill His Word to bring about the new heaven and earth where those found with His seal, anchored in His Hope, have eternal life.

Conviction in the assured future life in the kingdom of God settles the insecure heart that would otherwise labor to save their lives by grasping at controlling situations and persons.

Hope in God’s faithfulness anchors in the present also because we know that He is working all things out in conformity to His good and perfect will. Therefore, as we encounter storms, trials, and the senseless evils of life, relationship, ourselves, and strangers, we can choose to trust in the sovereignty, justice, and love of God, who upholds and maintains and propels all things [the entire physical and spiritual universe] by His powerful word [carrying the universe along to its predetermined goal]. (Hebrews 1:3 AMP).

This abandoned trust requires humility of changing our minds (repentance) from the hubris notions we hold dear about our abilities and intentions, and instead recognize that we are mere humans burdened with infinite physical and spiritual limitations. Through this repentance, we find security and rest… if we would have it. As we rest secure, our hearts quieten to perceive the mighty hand of God preeminently maneuvering cosmic and heavenly realms towards perfect Love’s end.

So, as my grounding comes to an end, my limbs uncurl and I feel the weight of the world light from the shoulders of my heart as I heave a gutsy sigh: I am not God.

At once my soul is freed and longs to soar, knowing I am in the Good Faithful Hands that hold the whole world and all who live in it.  

For the longest time, I have been frantic aboard Ship, dreading the next storm or turbulence, until I sold everything I counted for anything for the sake of Christ, my only Hope. Now and then when the waves crash and I fear I should perish, I need only go into the quiet of the stern and find Jesus sleeping therein, at rest. I smile at the grace that finds me here in the heart of a sure thing.

The resurrection of Jesus Christ can oftentimes fly over our heads yet it is an inexhaustible profound hope for the human soul that is haunted by the shadow of death. The hope in Christ’s resurrection and promise of similar resurrection for all who believe in and receive Him is the Good News of God for humanity which enables the heart to relent and rest in the assurance that suffering in this realm is not all there is, and death on this plane is not the end.

As a recovering exasperating usurper, there are no adequate words to express what the hope of Christ and hope in His accomplishment for humanity has done for me but I can witness to disencumbering of my soul and a new life in the peace of mind, soul and spirit that transcends all understanding.

When we have carried a heavy burden for the longest time, we have no concept of what our life would be if the burden were lifted. Moreover, we tend to develop dysfunctional loyalty to those things that leech the love, joy, and peace of living in the land of the living. Yet, we have the option to severe undue loyalties, cast aside the pride of our ignorance, and our fear of death in favor of having a life to the full, now into eternity.

The hard truth is that no one else – not even God – can make any decision for us. We must unwaveringly choose to pick up our cross daily. Once we do, the good news is that God grants us the grace and power to endure the pain of severing ourselves from all delusion and false god pursuits so we can see and taste the goodness of His steadfast love and reign of righteousness, peace, and joy

This must be, hands down, the most surely good thing! I know it is, for I have sampled, and then given away everything I had to buy this one sure thing: Hope in Christ Jesus.

xoxo

Nimi